Hi lovely friends and fighters, I wanted to do an update on some of the reasons I’ve been absent. Before I do that though, I want to thank you all, truly, for your understanding.
I know if anyone could understand the stress involved in maintaining any website or community it would be you all. Because for us, taking a legitimate shower, the kind where you clean your body and wash your hair, well, that’s an olympic feat. I knew this going into Lyme Chick’s creation. I knew that this would have to be a side project of sorts, meaning my first duty was to get healthy. That any energy or emotional strength I had left would go to Lyme Chick because it was and still is my absolute passion. To possibly take the fear and endless mystery out of one procedure for one person. To have someone not feel brutally alone and at their lowest low then I have succeeded.
That is why I committed the extra energy I had to this. I am here for you. I want to be here for you. But, as many have pointed out in rude and less rude versions, I have not been there for everyone. I couldn’t and that is for a multitude of reasons. It is remarkably easy to think that if I am sick I have absolutely no excuse not to respond to 17,000+ people. Your opinion of me, Maisie or Lyme Chick is yours that you’re one hundred percent entitled to. It is absolutely none of my business. All I can do is explain what IS my business, and that is this site. You see, when I went into the world of blogging and making YouTube videos I didn’t know what it entailed, truly. I didn’t know that the thoughts I would have swirling around my brain for months, and sometimes years, surrounding my efforts and Lyme Chick, would be that of extreme guilt and heart-palpitation-worthy anxiety. I didn’t know those feelings would overpower any feelings of pride. It wasn’t a job I was up to most days. That is, maintaining something as personal and raw as what is essentially a diary of my trials and tribulations of being a chronically ill “serial patient.”
My last post, promoting Light Found You, the song I wrote and recorded for Lyme awareness was in May. That is not what you would call a consistent blogger, I am aware. And I am not someone with consistent health, as you surely are aware. I don’t say this for any other reason than to help this community understand why I unwittingly took a step back from it.
When you put yourself in any version of the public eye, hate is expected. There is not a single user of the internet that doesn’t know that. But this was only a small part of the equation of why I stepped away.
I was fighting for something I still haven’t found. Health. As someone in this position, as a patient with a keenness for writing, and not a licensed health practitioner or doctor or expert of anything (except possibly how to make felines your friend…) I was in no position to answer your medical questions. As a girl with a knack for overanalyzing, being sensitive and having anxiety attacks at the drop of a hat, I could not give that much of myself away. I could not take on your burdens because I was struggling under the weight of my own. It is not because I didn’t care. It is not because I was too lazy. It is not because I was ungrateful for your support. It is because I did not have any spark left in my spirit that I wasn’t already showing here.
Thank you for understanding. I see your struggle and I applaud your efforts to heal. Taking a step back was one of mine.
Love and healing,
Maisie aka Lyme Chick