This time of year has always been my favorite. Especially if I can drag my sick self into NYC. Christmas in the city is truly magical. And I’ve always made a point of spending time there around the holidays. It’s so cheerful and festive.
This year though, I’ve found myself in an unfamiliar rut. Maybe because this time last year marks the anniversary of being essentially bedridden. Maybe because I know I’m supposed to love this time of year, and I’m trying desperately to feel how I have in past years. But I’m so sick of months and months and months passing me by- stuck in bed. Its hard to keep track of time when your only marker is what you see from occasional ventures outside, or the major holidays that you know are rapidly approaching but you swore that this was still the month of September. I feel like time is racing faster than I ever remember, but what is so unsettling is how I’ve spent the past 12 months- in bed.
This time of year is the time to be appreciative. And I have plenty to be thankful for. I strive to be positive and I do find myself happy, laughing at something everyday. But sometimes, I get sick of acting. Occasionally, I have to vent honestly. Because this time of year can also be depressing for many.
So this season, I can honestly say I’m thankful for the fantastic people I’ve met via Lyme, and the understanding, compassion, and support they’ve shown me.
Regardless of my conflicted feelings of the Holidays this year, I’ll always love Christmas. I just have a different take on it this year as a result of all that is Lyme.