How to Stop Asking, “Why?”

I will start this by saying I had no intention to write this post. I still don’t really know what I’m doing but I wanted to do what I’ve always wanted to do, share my stories and struggles in the hopes of making any one person feel less alone.

So to be honest, I haven’t been a “good” sick girl lately. Meaning, I haven’t followed my own advice. I haven’t been positive, I haven’t been cheerful or full of inspiring quotes. I’ve been truly depressed and hurting, physically and certainly emotionally. As I was reflecting on these feelings this morning, I asked myself what exactly was the cause. Why was I feeling so badly this month as opposed to every other one. I realized I had fallen back into an old pattern, the constantly asking, “WHY?”

It’s written in all my old journals from five years ago. There is my arthritic handwriting in blue ink asking these same questions over and over again,

“Why is this happening to me?”

“Why won’t the pain go away?”

“Why can’t I do a single thing outside of my bed?”

Then a few pages later, I’ve controlled the self-pity and regained my tough-luck approach of dealing with these feelings. Something is written on the pages along the lines of, “Get over it, Maisie. Everyone is dealt different cards in life, deal with yours.”

I think there’s a nice sweet spot in between these two approaches I have in dealing with my crazy, loud, uncontrollable feelings. I think you must absolutely be kind to yourself, but not let that kindness turn into self pity. Because self pity only harms you, it will erode your insides until you’re left in a depression that only you can pull yourself out of. While being too hard on yourself can leave you feeling broken and hopeless. I used my tendency of being overly critical of myself to fuel me, I used it to motivate me to get out of the rut I was in. I became even more dedicated to my treatment and healing. I stopped asking,

“Why am I doing everything perfectly and still being so invaded by illnesses?”

I started rewarding myself for doing everything right. I try to listen to my body and I give it what it needs. Lately, I’ve been housebound and essentially bed-bound. And that’s okay. That is all my body can do right now. So I’ve stopped asking, why? And started being more of a friend to myself. That’s the most valuable lesson I’ve learned through writing this all down. I hope you have too. Be you’re own best friend first. Your body, mind, and soul will pull you through. And when you stop asking, “WHY?” you might just feel better. Or you might laugh at yourself a little for asking it too much. I’ve done all of these things. Propped up in bed with pillows and heating pads. 😉

Photo on 11-30-12 at 5.48 PM #3

XO,

Lyme Chick

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About Lyme Chick

Lyme Disease advocate/warrior still learning about Lyme treatments/recovery and wishing to inform, support, and commiserate with others along the way.
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